Chapter 73: Safe and Sound

*AMY'S POV*

It has been a week since Mac's funeral and the mood at Zoey and T's is melancholy at best.

I haven't moved much this week.  Right after I talked to Michael, my body joined in the shit storm and started my period.

Even though I know there's no way I could be pregnant, I keep getting nauseous, and exhausted, and having a million other pregnancy symptoms.

This sucks...I feel like I'm going crazy and every time I feel like maybe I do have Mac's child growing inside of me, I want to jump for joy, but then I want to burst into tears because I know it's impossible.

How is it fair that the only thing that has brought me joy over these last several months had to be taken from me?

*ZOEY'S POV*

Terry and I still aren't talking.  It feels weird.  In all the time we have been together we have never fought like this.  It has been over a week and...nothing.

Every day I hear him come in from work sniffling like he has a cold, but I know he's not sick...and he sighs deeply.  I know his heart is breaking and I want more than anything to run to him and comfort him, but I know I can't help because I'm the reason for at least some of his sadness.

*TERRY'S POV*

Every time I see Zoey it hurts all over again.  I want this pain to stop so badly and I know having a child will make me feel better...but she is adamant about that not happening any time soon.

"I don't know why you want to have a kid anyway," AJ says when I tell him that Zoey and I have been fighting.

"I want to be a father," I say, "you know it's something I have wanted my entire life."

"Yeah, but why now?" AJ scratches his head.

"Why not?" I ask.

AJ just shrugs, "Mac just died man.  Maybe give yourself a little bit of time?"

"What for?" I ask, "If anything it will ease the pain a little right?  Bring a little joy back into our lives?"

AJ raises his eyebrows, "Whew...I'd hate to be your kid."

"Why's that?" I ask, getting a little angry at this line of questioning.

"That's a whole lot riding on a kid's shoulders," AJ says, "Well, little guy, it's your job to make Daddy happy because he lost his best friend."

"It's not like that..." I raise my voice.

"You just said it yourself man."

"No..." I start, but then stop.  Wait, did I say that?

We play pool in silence for awhile longer and by the end of the game, I still have no clue what to do about me and Zoey.  I want so badly to make up with her, but her not wanting to have a child with me feels like almost an insult, if that makes any sense.

"Maybe you and Z need some time apart," AJ says.

I raise my eyebrows.  The thought of separating is almost as bad as not having a baby.

"You mean a separation?" I ask.

"No, just some time and distance," AJ says, "you can come stay with me."

I shake my head, "I don't know man."

*ZOEY'S POV*

Terry and I haven't talked in days and I can't get him off my mind.

It's starting to get cold outside and I miss cuddling up to my husband.  I am usually freezing all the time and the cold has been even worse since he and I haven't been sleeping anywhere near close to each other in bed.

As I sit and continue to feel sorry for myself, I hear the front door open and the familiar sound of his heavy shoes hit the hard floor in the entry way.

"Vi?" I swear I hear him call out, but he couldn't have.  I haven't heard that sweet nickname from him in days.

"Vi?" I hear again.

I wake up from my haze and answer, "In here."

He walks in and starts to speak, "We need to talk."

I stand up and start to ramble in fragmented sentences, "I'm sorry honey...maybe...I don't know if I'm ready...we could try..."

Terry puts his hands up and stops me, "Hold on Vi, I have to say something."

"Ok," I sigh and silently wait for him to speak.

He shuffles around for a bit but then starts, "I've been wrong baby, I'm sorry."

"What?" Even though those are the words I have been waiting for, I can't believe I am hearing them.

"I'm sorry.  I know we aren't ready for a baby...I just...have been hurting so much." he says.

"I know and I want to help you through it..." I say.

"I know and I love you for it," he says.

"I just don't know what..." I start, but am interrupted.

I am interrupted by Terry wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for a long, deep, passionate kiss.  I am so shocked it takes my breath away.

His kisses continue and we don't speak for the rest of the night, but finally I am able to sleep comfortably, enveloped in the warmth of my husband's arms, safe from the cold.

Chapter 72: Fix You

*ZOEY'S POV* 

"Wait...what?" I never have had a good poker face...and I have to make sure he said what I thought he did...I pray he didn't just say what I thought he did...

Then he has to go and repeat it.

"I think we should have a baby."

I take a deep breath in an attempt to give myself time to answer correctly.  As much as I will do anything I can to make this man happy, I am not ready to have a baby...and I don't think he is either.

"Well...uh..." I need more time but I don't have any.  My husband is looking at me excitedly and expectantly.  "Honey," I start, "I'm not so sure that's such a great idea."

He is crestfallen and I can tell.  I have never seen him like this and I don't really know what I'm doing, but I can't take the words back...even if I wanted to.

Nothing could prepare me for his reaction.

"Well why not?!" He yells.  Yells.

I have never so much as seen this man swat a fly and he's yelling at me.

His behavior is making me recoil from him and I am tempted to take it all back.  If it were anything else I probably would.

But I know I have to stand my ground on this one.

"I really don't think we're ready..." I start, but he explodes again.

"That's ridiculous!  Of course we're ready!" He continues to yell, "We both have great jobs, we have a house, we have money...what are you waiting for?!"

"First of all, I'm waiting for you to stop yelling at me," I start, "but before we make a decision to have a baby, I want to sit down with you and make out a plan...I don't want to just go for it..."

"That's usually how babies happen," he mutters and I ignore him.

"I'm just not ready to put my body through having a baby, and I'm not ready to put my writing on hold..."

"Who says you have to?" he asks.

"See, this is exactly why we're not ready.  You haven't even though about how intrusive having a baby will be." I say.

He rears back and I think he's going to yell again, but he doesn't say anything for awhile.

He sighs deeply before he speaks again, "Whatever, I'm just an insensitive bastard."

"That's not..." I start, but he is already backing up.

"No, I'm done talking about this.  I'm going to bed." he says and heads to our bedroom.

I debate yelling at him to sleep on the couch, but I don't want to waste my time.  

I just go sleep in the other extra bedroom.

The next morning Terry still isn't talking to me.  He spends the entire day in the bedroom.

I still have no idea what to do to make this better.

*AMY'S POV*

I wake up the day after Mac's funeral nauseous - as I have for the last couple of days.  I haven't actually taken a pregnancy test or anything, but I am certain I am pregnant.  This is exactly how I felt before.

After losing what little dinner I had last night, I decide today is the day to confirm my suspicions.

On the way to the drugstore, I see a little consignment shop geared toward babies, so I stop in and look around.

As crazy as this sounds, I am happier than I have been in days.  Even though I want Mac in my life, it makes me feel better knowing that I am always going to have a piece of him with me in the form of our child.

As I am looking, the sales clerk comes up to me, "Can I help you find anything?"

"No...I'm...um...just looking..." I say.

She gives me a knowing smile, "Is this your first?"

I smile widely and nod.

I leave the shop on cloud nine, excited that something good has come out of this shitty situation and head to the drugstore.

On the way home, I stop in at the local coffee shop and run into Mac's father.

Still excited about becoming a mother, I can't contain my excitement and I want to share it.

What an amazing gift for them - having a grandchild after losing their only son.  I can't possibly keep this to myself.

"Amy," he greets me with a knowing tone that is reserved for someone that has suffered a trauma a long with you.  It's as if he knows how much my heart is hurting.

Even though it still is, I am happy and I want to share my happiness with him.

"You look like you're doing well," Michael observes.

"Yes...actually...well, I actually have some good news." I start.

"Oh?  What would that be dear?" He asks.

I smile, "Well, I don't know for 100%, but...I am pregnant."

Michael looks shocked and doesn't say anything for a minute.

"Of course I want you all to be as much a part of this child's life as you can be..." I start yammering to fill the silence.

"Amy..." he interrupts, "are you sure?  Have you been to a doctor?"

"Well, not yet...but I just know," I say.

He looks concerned and I can't understand why.

"Amy, I hate to say this, but you being pregnant with Mac's baby is impossible." he says.

"Why?" I ask, confused.

"Mac had an accident as a child that left him infertile..." Michael takes a pin and pricks my bubble.

"But surely there's a chance..." I start to try to patch it.

"No honey, we went to a lot of doctors and they all told us the same thing.  Mac would never be able to father children."

POP!  Bubble officially burst.

I leave the coffee shop quickly as my hope - literally the only thing I have left in this world - is slowly chipped away.

When I get back to Zoey's I rush to the bathroom and take the test I bought.

After three minutes it confirms what Michael said.  

I'm not pregnant after all.

I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

I don't know if this is rock bottom, but it certainly feels that way.

Chapter 70: My Best Days Are Ahead of Me

*ZOEY'S POV*

"Hey bff!" I answer quickly when I see that Amy is calling me.  It's rare that I get a call from her and it's even more rare when I get a call from her and I actually have the time to answer it.

"Hey!" she replies, "I'm so glad I caught you!"

"Yeah, me too," I reply, "What's going on with you?"

"Well...you know how Mac is going to be moving here soon?" she asks.

"Yeah," I answer, nodding as well - as if she can see me.  

Terry has really been instrumental in getting Amy and Mac back together - even though Amy doesn't know this. 

Several months ago Mac and T were talking and it was obvious Mac was miserable in Bridgeport - he hadn't been able to find any friends, much less any women, his job was stressful, etc, etc.  Long story short, T suggested (at my suggestion) that he consider going back to Harmony.  I am secretly hoping he takes that one step further and moves here, along with Amy, but one step at a time I suppose. 

"What's up?" I continue the conversation.

"Well..." she starts, "I really wish I could tell you this in person..."

"You could always jump in the car..." I offer.

She laughs, "Oh right..."

"Just sayin'...just a few hours drive..." I half joke.

"Well, as much as I would like to..." she stutters.

I laugh, "I'm just joking...sort of...but seriously, what's up?"

"I'm engaged!" she exclaims.

There was a time that I would have been shocked and dropped the phone, but honestly it's about time.  Even though I know this isn't her fault, Amy has been in this suspended state where nothing has been happening to her for so long.  It's time she finally has something good coming her way.

"You do realize you have maid of honor duties, right?" she asks.

"I would certainly hope so," I say.

So we chat for another hour or two (who's counting) about potential wedding ideas before she has to go.

When we get off the phone, I rejoin my husband in my new favorite place to be - right beside him, with his arm around me.  I know, wanna puke yet?  Normally I would, but I seem to have had my inner-cynical bitch extracted lately.

"That was a long convo," T says as I get comfortable, "I'm assuming that was Amy?"

"Yup," I say with a smile.

Terry misses nothing, "What's with that Chesire cat grin?"

"Have you talked to Mac yet?" I ask.

"No," he sits up and takes notice, "What's going on?"

"He proposed," I tell him.

"Ahh, about time, I was wondering how long I would have to sit on that," he says.

I sit back and look at him, "What are you talking about?  Did you know he was planning this?"

He grins.

"And you didn't tell me?" I ask, slightly offended.

He raises his eyebrows, "...and tell Mac he has 20 seconds to propose because it's going to take you 30 to find your phone?"

I elbow him lightly but just laugh.  I have to admit he's right.

I sit back and start thinking and can't help but smile.

"What's that smile for?" he asks, laughing at me.

"I'm just happy," I tell him.

This really is everything I have ever wanted.  Amy and I have been best friends forever and we always said our ideal situation would be finding two best friends to marry because they are the only ones that would understand our friendship.  I never actually thought we would find them.

Terry interrupts my thoughts with a kiss.

Yup, who would have thought that this cynical bitch could be tamed?

*AMY'S POV*

Over the next week, I busy myself with wedding plans.  Mac and I are thinking about a spring wedding.  That gives me enough time to plan everything - and I have always loved spring.

Of course everyone is ecstatic.  Rebecca, Kelsey, and Zoey are going to be bridesmaids and Robbie and Jake are going to stand on my side as well because along with Mac and AJ sharing best friend duties, Mac's older sisters are going to stand on his side as well.  Then Mac has a younger sister who's going to be a junior bridesmaid, Brody is going to be the ring bearer, and Ivy and Melody are going to be flower girls.  

That about covers it, right?

"What do you think about sea foam?" I ask Mac as we are cutting into our Jack-o-lanterns the next time Mac is in town.

"As general foam in the sea?" he asks.

I flick a pumpkin seed at him, "No goofball.  As colors for the bridesmaids dresses."

"That's a color?" he asks.

I roll my eyes, "Never mind."

Mac and I are carving two different Jack-o-lanterns because we couldn't agree on a design.

Call me crazy, but I'm a traditionalist - triangle eyes and nose with a jagged tooth smile.

His is definitely more intricate, but that's fine with me.  He can be the artist in our family.

That night we just sit down and watch some TV.  I never would have thought I would be in one of those couples that spends most of their time sitting at home, but I guess that's what I get for waiting so long to be in a good one.

Mac only has this weekend of coming and going and next week he's going to start his move here, thank goodness.  I'm just about tired of all the traveling and it's taking its toll on him as well.

Even so, I don't take it well when his phone rings.

"Hello?" he answers.

...

"Oh really?" he continues.

...

"uh-huh...uh-huh...of course.  Yeah, no, I'm not in town, but I can be there in a couple hours." he says.

I look up and glare.

"No, no, don't worry, I'll be there..." he continues, "Yeah, no problem.  I'm hitting the road now."

He gets off the phone and I glare even more, "Please don't tell me that's what I think it is."

"Baby, I have to go back," he says.

"Are you kidding?  You just got here." I complain.

"I'm sorry, but there was a break in my case...I have to go."  he says.

Honestly I'm not in the mood to hear it.

"Well, I certainly hope there's not a break in a case on our wedding day," I start to bitch.

"Baby..." he interrupts.

"No, no, that's fine.  I guess it goes along with the territory of marrying a cop."  I pout some more.

"Come on, baby, please don't give me a hard time.  You know I don't want to leave you tonight," He says.

"You're sure no one else can handle it?" I am not convinced he actually has to go.

"Can you get other people to write your books for you?" he asks, stupidly using logic when I just want to pout.

"That's beside the point." I continue on my bratty course.

"I've got to go baby," he stands up and I give him a look.

In response he pulls me up into his arms.

As much as I fight, he kisses me long and hard.

"I'll be back to you before you know it," he says, "I can't go with you mad at me."

"Well then you better not go," I pout once more.

"Baby..." he says again.

I roll my eyes like the brat I am and hug him tightly, "Okay...I guess I can forgive you."

"Go to bed and I'll be back by the time you wake up in the morning," he suggests.

"Yeah, yeah," is the last thing I say.

As he is walking out the door he shouts an "I love you."

I shout a lackluster "Love you too" at him as the door closes and he is gone.

If I had only known...

I am apparently more tired than I thought because when I sit back down on the couch I end up dozing off.

I wake up disoriented and look at my watch.  It's 4:30 am.  

"Geez," I say out loud.

My neck is hurting and I curse myself for passing out here.  Getting old is sucking already.

I grumble and get up to go upstairs but am interrupted by my phone ringing.

"Who the hell would be calling now?" I ask myself.

I don't recognize the number, "Hello?"

"Is this Amy Keagan?" the voice responds.

"Yes," I answer, "what can I do for you this early in the morning?"

I am annoyed and I certainly hope whoever is on the other end knows it.

Obviously the voice knows this, but still continues, "I'm sorry to bother you Ms. Keagan, I am the chief of police for Bridgeport PD.  There's been an accident."