Chapter 72: Fix You

*ZOEY'S POV* 

"Wait...what?" I never have had a good poker face...and I have to make sure he said what I thought he did...I pray he didn't just say what I thought he did...

Then he has to go and repeat it.

"I think we should have a baby."

I take a deep breath in an attempt to give myself time to answer correctly.  As much as I will do anything I can to make this man happy, I am not ready to have a baby...and I don't think he is either.

"Well...uh..." I need more time but I don't have any.  My husband is looking at me excitedly and expectantly.  "Honey," I start, "I'm not so sure that's such a great idea."

He is crestfallen and I can tell.  I have never seen him like this and I don't really know what I'm doing, but I can't take the words back...even if I wanted to.

Nothing could prepare me for his reaction.

"Well why not?!" He yells.  Yells.

I have never so much as seen this man swat a fly and he's yelling at me.

His behavior is making me recoil from him and I am tempted to take it all back.  If it were anything else I probably would.

But I know I have to stand my ground on this one.

"I really don't think we're ready..." I start, but he explodes again.

"That's ridiculous!  Of course we're ready!" He continues to yell, "We both have great jobs, we have a house, we have money...what are you waiting for?!"

"First of all, I'm waiting for you to stop yelling at me," I start, "but before we make a decision to have a baby, I want to sit down with you and make out a plan...I don't want to just go for it..."

"That's usually how babies happen," he mutters and I ignore him.

"I'm just not ready to put my body through having a baby, and I'm not ready to put my writing on hold..."

"Who says you have to?" he asks.

"See, this is exactly why we're not ready.  You haven't even though about how intrusive having a baby will be." I say.

He rears back and I think he's going to yell again, but he doesn't say anything for awhile.

He sighs deeply before he speaks again, "Whatever, I'm just an insensitive bastard."

"That's not..." I start, but he is already backing up.

"No, I'm done talking about this.  I'm going to bed." he says and heads to our bedroom.

I debate yelling at him to sleep on the couch, but I don't want to waste my time.  

I just go sleep in the other extra bedroom.

The next morning Terry still isn't talking to me.  He spends the entire day in the bedroom.

I still have no idea what to do to make this better.

*AMY'S POV*

I wake up the day after Mac's funeral nauseous - as I have for the last couple of days.  I haven't actually taken a pregnancy test or anything, but I am certain I am pregnant.  This is exactly how I felt before.

After losing what little dinner I had last night, I decide today is the day to confirm my suspicions.

On the way to the drugstore, I see a little consignment shop geared toward babies, so I stop in and look around.

As crazy as this sounds, I am happier than I have been in days.  Even though I want Mac in my life, it makes me feel better knowing that I am always going to have a piece of him with me in the form of our child.

As I am looking, the sales clerk comes up to me, "Can I help you find anything?"

"No...I'm...um...just looking..." I say.

She gives me a knowing smile, "Is this your first?"

I smile widely and nod.

I leave the shop on cloud nine, excited that something good has come out of this shitty situation and head to the drugstore.

On the way home, I stop in at the local coffee shop and run into Mac's father.

Still excited about becoming a mother, I can't contain my excitement and I want to share it.

What an amazing gift for them - having a grandchild after losing their only son.  I can't possibly keep this to myself.

"Amy," he greets me with a knowing tone that is reserved for someone that has suffered a trauma a long with you.  It's as if he knows how much my heart is hurting.

Even though it still is, I am happy and I want to share my happiness with him.

"You look like you're doing well," Michael observes.

"Yes...actually...well, I actually have some good news." I start.

"Oh?  What would that be dear?" He asks.

I smile, "Well, I don't know for 100%, but...I am pregnant."

Michael looks shocked and doesn't say anything for a minute.

"Of course I want you all to be as much a part of this child's life as you can be..." I start yammering to fill the silence.

"Amy..." he interrupts, "are you sure?  Have you been to a doctor?"

"Well, not yet...but I just know," I say.

He looks concerned and I can't understand why.

"Amy, I hate to say this, but you being pregnant with Mac's baby is impossible." he says.

"Why?" I ask, confused.

"Mac had an accident as a child that left him infertile..." Michael takes a pin and pricks my bubble.

"But surely there's a chance..." I start to try to patch it.

"No honey, we went to a lot of doctors and they all told us the same thing.  Mac would never be able to father children."

POP!  Bubble officially burst.

I leave the coffee shop quickly as my hope - literally the only thing I have left in this world - is slowly chipped away.

When I get back to Zoey's I rush to the bathroom and take the test I bought.

After three minutes it confirms what Michael said.  

I'm not pregnant after all.

I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

I don't know if this is rock bottom, but it certainly feels that way.