Chapter 33: Here Puppy, Puppy, Puppy

*REBECCA'S POV*

Okay, so know how I've been working toward becoming a rockstar?  Well...I actually want to become a professional singer, so I decide it's time for a career change!  I know this will set me back a bit, but it will definitely be worth it.

Of course, getting a job as a sing-a-gram deliverer isn't exactly what I had in mind for my big debut...ugh...oh well, I guess it's small steps to the top.

Between jobs, I practice singing with my guitar for tips.  I make a little bit that way...and it's always good to get my voice out there.

Things have been kind of strained between me and Josh lately...his family doesn't approve of me for some reason...I don't understand...they loved me when we met and they loved Brody...

I guess it's maybe the best to take some time apart though...we've spent a lot of time being lazy together and neither of us have been working toward our careers.  I moved out of ole' Dick head's because of that, now I'm doing the same thing?  Yeah, not cool.

I'm working on some songwriting too...I swear I've gotten way better than I used to be, especially since I've learned the guitar...and since I have songs, I can do gigs.  I get my first gig at the park...

It starts off a little rocky...

I've got my girls here to support me, and they brought Brody...I'm really excited to get to play for him...
...oh, check Zoey out bustin' a move! 

aaaannnd he's all excited about playing with his damn bunny...ugh...kids...but he rocks out with his bunny, so maybe he's proud of his Mummah.

I feel like I'm on top of the world getting to play on an actual stage for my family.

Of course, I get brought right back down to earth...no, I'm not trying to do some kind of weird version of the Funky Chicken...it's another one of those effin' sing-a-grams...ugh...well, at least they pay the bills...

...and I'm able to secure a gig at the local coffeehouse...hmm...I wonder if they sell bubble tea...I can just imagine..."You can totally pay me in bubble tea!" (Kidding...sort of)

*KELSEY'S POV*

Joy of all joys, but I am finally an International Super Spy.  Do I look mysterious?

...Yeah, well, no one asked  you...

Sedrick and I are still dating...Mr. So Boring Paint Watches Him Dry...

It's not really that, he's sweet and all, but I just need more of a challenge...I spend all this time trying to get these guys under my thumb, and when they get there I lose interest...true story.

Is it me or is he the girl in the relationship?

Yeah, that's what I thought...oh he has to go.

*ZOEY'S POV*

We all hit Rebecca's gig at the coffeehouse...and leave Brody at home...mostly because we want to go out dancing when she's done.

In the middle of things, Kelsey gets called out for work, so it's just me and Amy...but then...

Zoey: Hey, do you see that?
Amy: What?

It's Richard...aka Dick...aka Bec's Baby Daddy...aka That Asshole...

Amy: What the hell is he doing here?
Zoey: Wait...what is that on his face?
Amy: Is that a smile?
Zoey: Can't be...
Amy: He must have hit a small child on a bike or laughed at a woman with cankles before he got here or something...
Zoey: I was thinking knocked some other girl up on his way, but either way...look at the way he's looking at Rebecca...
Amy: Hmm...if I thought he was capable of feelings I would say he might have some for Bec...but it's too little too late...
Zoey: Or not right now, but maybe later...
Amy: Ugh, you're right...well, whatever, I'm just done being nice to him, so if they get back together...
Zoey: Wait...when were you ever nice to him?
Amy: I fixed him breakfast when Brody was born...
Zoey: Yeah, how long ago was that?  And when you asked him where he wanted his eggs you offered on the table or up his ass.
Amy: Details.

Richard leaves by the time Rebecca is done with her set.  We both keep quiet about seeing him.

Rebecca: Sooo how was it?
Amy: Amazing as always!
Zoey: Awesome!
Rebecca: *girly squeal* Thanks..sooo where are we going?
Zoey: How about Island Jack's?
Amy: Is that a tiki bar?
Zoey: No crazy, it's a dance club...
Amy: I'm there.
Rebecca: Ditto...I'll text Kels.

Island Jack's turns out to be sort of in a bad part of downtown, but as long as we stick together...and let Kelsey take the lead, we're good.

So we get in da' club...which needs to turn on da' light...or pay da' bills...but we still have fun and get drunk...ugh...I hope I didn't see a rat.

***Side Note: Island Jack's is a dance club I built...get it here.  It's got a sunken dance floor, but needs lights and a stereo put on the dance floor***

*REBECCA'S POV*

So I am soooo excited!  I got a gig at one of the best places to play in town!  It's at The Red Rooster.  I can't wait to tell Josh!  He's going to be so excited for me!

Of course, when I try to call him, he doesn't answer.  I try like 30 times and he doesn't answer.  What the hell?  I am so pissed.

***Based on a venue out of Nashville, TN, The Red Rooster is one of my first venues.  Get it here.***

He shows up the next day...what the...?

Josh: Hey, can we talk?
Bec: Yeah, sure..whatever.

So we get dressed, go out, and out of the blue, he dumps me!  

I'm bawling my freakin' eyes out and he doesn't even care.

Rebecca: ...but..whyyyyy?  I thought we were doing so good...
Josh: My family has been talking to me and they think it would be a good idea for me to stop seeing you.  I'm not happy right now and they seem to think you're the problem.
Rebecca: It's your bitchy sister, isn't it?  She's always been jealous of me...she doesn't want you to be with anyone, Josh.  She won't stop until you're alone and miserable like she is.
Josh: Don't talk about her like that...
Rebecca: Really nice, Josh...did you stick up for me that way when your family was trashing me?  Probably not.

Josh: Look, Bec, I still love you...
Rebecca: Than why aren't we together?  I can't take this Josh...

I leave Josh on the street and go home.  I find Amy first and I start bawling as soon as I see her.
Amy: Oh God, sweetie, what is it?
Rebecca: Josh dumped me!
Amy: What?  I thought...
Rebecca: I know, me too...I don't understand...he says his family *sniffle* is telling him to...
Amy: Seriously?  What is he?  In high school?  You should have told him to reach up and pull his balls out and maybe he won't care what his family says...
Rebecca: Josh isn't like that *sniffle* he's a good person...not that you're not a good person...
Amy: Eh, I'm not...I'm jilted and bitter...it's cool, I've accepted it.
Rebecca: ...aren't I pretty? *sniffle*
Amy: Of course!  If he can't see how amazing you are, he doesn't deserve you.

We talk for a little bit after that and agree to make plans to go out.

*AMY'S POV*

Well, I'm doing a lot better...mostly because my doctor put me on an anti-depressant, but it's making me a little less self-destructive, so I guess that's good...

Of course, I go online and find myself a dog...

...and I don't mean the normal kind of dog...this is a guy that is basically just a warm body that lavishes you with attention and builds your self-esteem back up after a break-up (sort of like a Rebound).  I call him a dog because he's completely loyal to you and even when you bat him on the nose and make him go cower in the corner, he keeps coming back.

The dog I find is named Donnie Childs.  I meet him online when he sends me a message telling me how beautiful I am...ding ding!  We have a winner!  Bring in the dog!

Okay, let me just say this:  when I first started talking to Donnie, I really wanted to like him.  He's completely devoted to me and I really wanted to find something...anything...that would attract me to him...but I still can't find anything...so for right now, I just keep him around for the ego boost...I know it's wrong, but oh so right...and men do this kind of crap to women all the time...so...

...yeah, I'm a horrible human being.

But at least I'm being punished.  He's probably the dullest person I have ever met.  Of course, the only thing that makes him desirable other than his devotion to me is that he's a maniac in the bedroom...that's the only place we are on the same wavelength...ugh...I wonder if I was Brent's dog?

Chapter 32: Watch My Heart Break A Little Bit More

*ZOEY'S POV*

Rebecca: Is Amy coming down today?

Kelsey: Probably not...

Zoey: I don't think so...

It's been three weeks.  When we got home from the hospital, Amy took a couple pain pills and went to bed.  I haven't seen her since.  When I wake up in the morning, I see evidence that she's been up - a glass of water in the sink, a saltine cracker wrapper, a Sprite can, but no one saw her.  She purposely gets up when everyone is in bed.  When anyone knocks on her door, she doesn't answer and she keeps it locked.  It's like living with a ghost.

Zoey: I saw that she came down last night...

Rebecca: Yeah...what's up with that crap anyway?  A can of Sprite, water, and saltines?  What kind of mixture is that?

I don't say anything.  All they know is that Brent broke up with her.  They have no idea she was pregnant and that she had a miscarriage, so they have no idea that she has been given pain medication...so they don't have the extra burden of knowing that she is most likely taking pain pills all day and living on Sprite and saltines...I don't want to tell them the truth, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it from them if she doesn't start joining the living again.

Kelsey: What's weird is that the alcohol isn't even gone...why isn't she self-soothing?

Rebecca: I guess depression is keeping her passed out.

Zoey: Yeah, that's probably it.

*AMY'S POV*

I wake up and puke into my trash can...probably for the tenth time...ugh...it happens when I didn't eat enough and I took my pain pills...I'm going to have to make myself eat something besides crackers...but it's the only thing I can stomach.

I haven't been in physical pain for a week now, but every time I wake up I start crying...and I just want to stop...so I turn to the pills the doctor gave me.  They make me feel like I'm sinking into my bed and put me in a euphoric state before making me pass out.

Okay Amy, I tell myself, let's try getting up...partly because I have finished the bottle of pain pills and I can't justify getting more...and also because I'm pretty sure if I don't, Bec, Kels, and Zoey will beat down the door.  I have amazingly been able to avoid them this entire time.

Passing the mirror, I don't even recognize myself.  I have dropped a bunch of weight, but I look mostly sick...okay, time to do something about this.

I take a shower, put on clean clothes, do my makeup, fix my hair...

Not a big improvement, but I look more like me.

Okay, time to get out of here.

I head downstairs with a mission.

Kelsey: Hey...you're finally getting up?

Amy: Yeah...

Kelsey: Are you okay?

Amy: Yeah, fine...

Rebecca: If he can't see how awesome you are, he's not worth it, Sis.

Amy: Yeah, I know...I don't really want to talk about it.
Rebecca: Okay, that's fine.

I try to decide if I want to tell my sisters I was pregnant, or if I want them to continue believing I just got my heart broken by some asshole.

Rebecca: Whatcha' doin, Sis?
Amy: Looking for a new guy.
Kelsey: That's the way to do it...screw him!

I start looking at an old free dating website...actually the same one I originally met Brent on.

I go through the pictures over and over again, thinking I'm finally over Brent...

...until I see his picture...What the hell?

Amy: He's back on here.

Zoey: Who?

Amy: Brent...he's back on this site.

I do some Facebook stalking and find Kahleilah's page (I can't look at his anymore...he blocked me because he's mature).  They broke up...ten days after they got together.

Haha!  I can't help but laugh with sadistic glee.

Kelsey: You're scaring me a little bit right now.

Amy: *Through diabolical laughter* It's the little things I guess.

I honestly can't imagine it happening to a more perfect person...I wonder what happened...

*REBECCA'S POV*

Even though Amy is going through hell right now, my life couldn't be better.  Josh and I are doing really well, my career is awesome, he has taught me so much more on my guitar...

And he totally rocks my world...with and without music in the bedroom every night.

Josh: When I play this song, I think about you...

It's a song about a girl with green eyes of fire...my eyes are green, but they have little flecks of gold in them that look like fire...*sigh*

Brody loves him so much.

Brody: Where's your truck, Josh?

Josh: It's at home, buddy...it's not working.

Brody: Josh's truck broke?  Drive Mummah's car!

Josh: Okay, buddy, will do...how about bed time?

Brody: No!  Brody wanna stay up and play guitar like Josh and Mummah.

Of course my paranoia kicks in sometimes and I hope he's not cheating on me or anything...I love him so much, I think it would kill me if we broke up.

*KELSEY'S POV*

Amy: If nothing else, this is certainly an ego boost.

She has been looking on that website all day...ugh...

Kelsey: Have you found anyone good?
Amy: No, they're all losers...but I can handle being Queen of the Losers for awhile...as long as they adore me.
Kelsey: You are twisted.
Amy: What can I say?  I'm jilted...it makes you do crazy things.

Kelsey: Yeah I hear ya...I miss Josh.
Amy: I will kick your ass if you get back together with him.
Kelsey: I know...it's just...
Amy: What about Sedrick?
Kelsey: He's awesome...but...he's just...so boring.  Every time I get mad at him for something, he quickly apologizes...
Amy: And that's a bad thing?
Kelsey: I don't guess so...I just like guys that put up more of a fight.

Amy: Now who's twisted?
Kelsey: Yeah, yeah...

Meanwhile, I get an offer to dance at The Pool Club after I get off work.  Alcohol and $1,000 for dancing a little?  Yes please!

Then I head over to Sedrick's.  He's still Mr. Perfect...almost too perfect...but I really do care about him.

*ZOEY'S POV*

I wake up the next morning to Rebecca playing her guitar at the end of my bed.

Zoey: What the...?
Rebecca: Wait...before you get mad...
Zoey: Too late.
Rebecca: Listen to this chord Josh just taught me.
Zoey: Did he teach you how to extract that damn thing out of your ass?
Rebecca: *sounds hurt* I thought you would want to hear it.
Zoey: *sigh*

Amy better get back to her old self before these girls drive me crazy.

I get up and see her sitting at the table with a tray of drinks.

Zoey: What are those for?

Amy: Me.

Zoey: All of them?

Amy: Yeah...you can have one...

Zoey: I don't want one...it's 6 am.

Amy: It's 5 o'clock somewhere.

Zoey: It was 5 o'clock an hour ago...5 o'clock in the morning.

Amy: No judgment, right?

Zoey: Amy, I'm not judging you...I'm worried about you...are you still on the pills?
Amy: Am I sitting upright?  No, I ran out...
Zoey: Are you going to tell Rebecca and Kelsey the whole story?
Amy: I don't see why I should...it's not like they can do anything but feel bad about it too...and look at me differently...feel sorry for me...I can't take that.
Zoey: Yeah...but shared sorrow might...
Amy: I don't need to share my sorrow with anyone...it's bad enough I can't get my unborn child out of my head, I don't want everyone else talking about it.
Zoey: Okay...can you at least try to stay off the booze?

Amy: This is just something I'm doing right now...I'll stop eventually.

Zoey: Before it kills you?

Amy: Yes...I'm going to be fine.

Zoey: Okay...what have you got planned today?

Amy: Same thing I have planned every day Pinky...

Zoey: Ha ha...seriously.

Amy: I guess try to do some writing...what about you?

Zoey: I need to run some errands, but they can wait until Bec and Kels get home if you don't want to watch Brody...I know...

Amy: See, that's exactly what I'm talking about...I don't want that...feeling sorry for me because looking at Brody might be too hard...*voice breaks*...because every time I look into his face...*she looks down, voice quiets to a whisper*...I imagine...

Zoey: *sigh* I'm sorry...I've been to hard on you.

Amy: *sniffle* no...you haven't...you're just looking after me, and this is a lot to carry on your shoulders...and I just left you here and disappeared...*sniffle, sniffle*

Zoey: Whoa, it's okay...trust me, I'm fine.  I'm just worried about you.  Maybe I shouldn't leave you with Brody...

Amy: No, go on...I have to get back to normal eventually, right?

Zoey: Are you sure you'll be okay?

(I put this on here mostly because I just love the picture) 

She's silent.

Zoey: Amy?

Amy: Yeah, I'll be okay.

Zoey: Really?

Amy: Yeah, go on.

*AMY'S POV*

Brody is sitting in his high chair with a bottle.  Looking at him makes me wonder what my son would have looked like...I guess maybe it was for the best considering how things were with Brent and me...but...ugh...I can't let myself think about it.  Right now I have to bring myself to pick up my nephew.

He lifts his arms up and I pull him toward me.  Instead of making things worse though, I actually think he makes them better.  It's sort of healing, I guess.

Brody: Sissy doin'?

Amy: Holdin' a sack a' taters.

Brody: *giggles* Nuh-uh Sissy's holdin' Brody.

Amy: Sissy loves you baby.

He talks about himself in the third person and we always wondered why...but then we realize we do it to him all the time.

Either way, I decide right then that I can't let him suffer because I'm sad...as smart as he is, he won't understand why I'm avoiding him...he'll think I don't love him, and I couldn't bear that.

I'm pretty much going to have to suck it up and just get better.